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Perfectionist 

Are you realistic about what you can achieve in the time available?  

Are you a dedicated student who’s always striving for perfection? Perhaps you've noticed that your high demands and urge always to do well can have a downside: stress, pressure, and a feeling of never being satisfied.  

Ambition and striving for quality can be good, but perfectionism and its negative consequences can get in the way of your learning. 

Understanding perfectionism

Being a perfectionist involves a deep ambition to meet high standards – whether it's in your studies, social relationships or life in general. Unfortunately, this ambition can sometimes be at the cost of your wellbeing and lead to overwhelming self-criticism and feelings of inadequacy.  

If you thrive on your ambitions and the demands and expectations you place on yourself, everything is fine. If, on the other hand, you find that your expectations are obstructing your wellbeing and ability to study, it’s time to stop and do something about it. It may be that your perfectionism has taken control.  

The consequences of perfectionism

The negative consequences of perfectionism can be more, or less, visible. Below are the classic negative consequences of perfectionism.  

Classic negative consequences

Procrastination

It can be a challenge to start on a task if you have very high demands and expectations of yourself and are afraid of not being able to live up to them. Sometimes it may seem more appealing to postpone the task, move over to other things, or avoid the task altogether. 

Avoiding things  

If you have unrealistic expectations of yourself, it may be easier completely to refrain from writing the assignment, reading texts, applying for a student job, etc. It is also not uncommon to experience writer's block just as you are about to start your exam paper. It's a way of unconsciously protecting yourself from defeat.  

Low self-esteem  

If you set high, almost impossible standards for yourself, you will rarely experience success. This can affect your self-esteem negatively. 

Stress, sleep problems, anxiety and depression  

Perfectionists are more exposed to stress than others, and sleep problems often follow with stress. Severe perfectionism can also lead to anxiety and depression if left untreated. 

Problems in relationships

You may find that you keep other people at a distance and find it difficult to open up to them because you are nervous that they’ll discover that you are not perfect. This distance in relationships can mean that you lose the experience of closeness. And if you make as high demands on others as you do on yourself, you may also become dissatisfied in a relationship. Others can just as easily fail to live up to your high demands as you can.  

   

Manage your craving for perfection  

Even though many feel and acknowledge the negative consequences, they don’t want to let go of their perfectionism because it is also experienced as the driving force behind their success, skill and efficiency.   

But if this controlling perfectionism is ever to loosen its grip, the first step is to learn to see these thoughts for what they are: Thoughts. Not the absolute truth.   

It’s not about stopping your perfectionism; it’s about integrating and balancing it with other important parts of you and your student life. It requires awareness and action, and here are some good tips to help you.   

Make a plus and minus list

Seeing perfectionism as a bad habit can make you to ask yourself what kind of behaviour you want to change and why you want to change it. If you don't, you can easily fall back into old habits.   

Therefore, list all the pluses and minuses associated with your perfectionism. Where does it help you and where is it a problem?  

The list will teach you more about why you want to change and make it easier to seek help or take action and change your behaviour.  

Throw out the inner critic

It’s common to have inner dialogues with ourselves. Sometimes they’re friendly, and at other times they can be where we meet our worst critic. How do you talk to yourself? Do you push yourself with negative thoughts such as "I'm not good enough" or "I can do better than that"?   

If you recognise this and you want to throw out your inner critic, then you're not alone.    

A good piece of advice is to be open with yourself and be curious about what the inner critic is telling you. It may be in general, but it could also be in specific situations such as in your study group or in class. Find out about your thoughts and talk to a student counsellor about them. It's easier to manage them if you have them in front of you on a piece of paper or clear in your mind. 

Getting rid of imposter syndrome

Imposter syndrome can be described as a psychological pattern in which you doubt your own performance and have a persistent fear of being exposed. You think that your success is due to luck, or that you have made others believe that you are better than you really are. You think you’re a charlatan.  

Here are three tips on how to get rid of Imposter syndrome:  

What can you do?

There's nothing wrong with you

Indsætter billede...

Be aware of when you have thoughts that something is wrong with you or that you are an impostor. Perhaps they won’t go away, but you can learn to put them to one side and not let them define you.  

Give yourself the right feedback  

Focus more on your efforts and less on the outcome. This will help reduce the pressure to perform and remind you of what you like about the assignment and the process. 

Accept recognition  

Avoid explaining it away, attributing it to luck or excusing your success. You did well. You did it! 

Share your thoughts and show who you are

Perfectionism is part of you, and it's easier to gain control of it if you stand by it and talk about it.   

What can you do?

Share your thoughts and talk about them  

Try to share your thoughts and feelings with others - tell them how you feel! Usually, such conversations will leave you with a sense of relief, and you’ll probably find that many people feel the same way.   

So reach out to a good friend, parents or a student counsellor. Who you talk to is not important. The most important thing is that you don't go around alone with your perfectionist thoughts and feelings.  

Show who you are behind the "mask"  

When the urge for perfectionism takes over, you invest energy in appearing competent and perfect on the outside, but on the inside you may feel entirely different. It can feel as if no one really knows you behind that façade.   

You can change that feeling by gradually opening up to others. You’ll feel accepted for who you are, and they’ll get to know you without the filter. This will make you much happier and at peace with yourself. So take off the mask and let others see who you really are.  

Show others that you make mistakes

 

It's crucial to recognise that you're making mistakes too, and it's perfectly okay to admit it. Imagine how you would support a good friend who has made a mistake.   

Practice admitting your mistakes: the more you do so, the easier it will be. You may be afraid that others will judge you negatively, but in fact it will often create stronger connections.  

Take a chance next time you're with a friend and admit a mistake: even a small one. This is already an important step. Gradually, you can make it a habit to stand by your mistakes, perhaps even laugh at them a little. Learn to say “never mind”. Not only will this earn you respect, it will also make it easier to be yourself.


See also

Podcast for students

In the podcast Studiekammeraten student counsellors talk to students or experts about different aspects of life as a university student.


Practical experience relevant to your studies

Applying your academic knowledge and skills in a practical setting during your studies can strengthen your motivation. A student job, an internship or voluntary work can make your study programme seem more meaningful and prepare you for the labour market. Read more about: